Have you ever had a fear that no matter what you do, you’ll never get what you really want? You’re not alone! I talk to people every day who have similar fears.
One of my favorite parts about being a psychotherapist is that I get to be part of people’s transformation. It’s very exciting to witness people who were once anxious or depressed when they begin to empower themselves and take back the control of their lives.
I dearly love what happens when my clients start getting what they’ve always wanted in their lives. It’s pretty amazing to be present when that happens! I’m going to talk today about what it takes to get what you really want, so stay tuned!
Recently I made a video called ‘Finding Hope’ where I described a simple experiment that anyone can do to begin bringing your dreams into reality. If you haven’t already watched that, I hope you’ll go back and watch it soon.
It’ll give you some great tips for how to use your unconscious mind to manifest your dreams into reality. There’s also a great story in it about transforming your fear and getting what you want, simply through utilizing the power of your own imagination.
Transforming fear is actually the essence of all healing. Fear is what keeps us trapped in old patterns that block us from getting what we really want. Whether it’s a fear of vulnerability, or a fear of judgment or a fear of rejection or abandonment, everyone struggles with some type of fear in their life.
I love the quote by the great poet Hafiz that says “Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I’d like to see you living in better conditions.” In other words, anyone can live their life by fear, but it takes courage to move past your fear and create a life that you really want.
The important thing to know about fear is that fear always originates from old hurts, traumas or disappointments in your life. Sometimes those hurts or traumas happened so long ago, that you don’t even remember them anymore, but fear is always learned.
The good news is that you can always transform your fear, by simply being willing to release the feelings from the traumas or disappointments that you’ve experienced in your life. When you’re willing to do the healing work it takes to transform your fear, you can definitely become confident and empowered again.
Changing Negative Thoughts, Beliefs and Expectations
Fear is a very sneaky feeling. It’s not usually as obvious and easy to identify as hurt or sadness or anger. One of the most common ways fear shows up in your life is through your negative thoughts. The problem with having negative thoughts is that too often you accept them as the truth and you live your life expecting them to come true.
I’m sure you’ve heard the statement “Our thoughts become our reality.” When you find yourself thinking “I’ll never get what I want,” it’s important to realize that this is a negative thought and that it’s not based on the truth; it’s just your fear from the hurts or disappointments you’ve experienced in the past that you’ve now projected onto your future.
When you realize that your fear thought is not really true, you can decide to change it and replace it with a positive thought that will be more supportive for getting what you want. Instead of telling yourself, “I’ll never get what I want,” you could replace it with something you want to believe. For example, maybe you want to tell yourself, “Miracles are happening in my life every day.”
Powerful Exercises that Make it Fun and Easy
There’s a fun little exercise you can use to change your negative thoughts, beliefs and expectations. The first step is just to pay attention to the thoughts you are telling yourself every day.
When you notice a negative thought, imagine that your negative thought is written across your computer screen. Then all you have to do is hit the ‘Delete’ button and replace it with a positive thought you want to think. Just make it a game that’s fun to play and before long your life will start changing.
If it’s hard for you to trust and believe that good things could actually come to you, there’s also a powerful phrase I heard recently that can help you get past that self-doubt. The phrase just says, “I love the thought that…,” and then you fill in the blank with whatever you want.
For example you could say, “I love the thought that miracles are happening in my life every day!” Or “I love the thought that no matter how good my life is, it can always get better!”
The Law of Attraction
Have you heard about the Law of Attraction? A lot of people are talking about it these days. The Law of Attraction is simply a universal law that says that our minds are like magnets. Whatever we focus on, we draw into our lives. If we focus on drama and pain, we attract more pain and drama, but if we focus on love and joy, we naturally attract more love and joy.
One of the easiest ways to work with the Law of Attraction is simply to focus on what you already have in your life that you’re truly grateful for. When you focus on the things you’re grateful for, you naturally draw more of those good things into your life.
It’s very important when you’re practicing gratitude to really get the feeling of what you are thankful for. Don’t just say “I’m grateful for my health, my family and my job,” because that’s too general and matter of fact. Think of something you really appreciate from your heart and be specific.
For example you could say, “The flowers in our garden are so incredibly beautiful this year! I’m so thankful for their beauty and all of the incredible colors!” Or you might say, “I’m so thankful that my friend stopped by to visit me this afternoon. For the first time in months, we finally had time to really laugh and talk.” Do you see how there’s much more positive energy in being grateful for specific things that you actually enjoy?
Practicing gratitude on a regular basis helps you live in a higher energy vibration. That higher energy vibration is exactly what’s necessary to believe that you can have what you want and to bring your dreams into reality.
Keeping the Faith
Probably the most challenging part of creating a better life for yourself is keeping the faith, while your dreams are in the process of manifesting. The challenge with keeping our faith is that we don’t get to decide when or how our dreams will become reality. The Higher Power is in charge of how it all happens. Sometimes it takes longer than we prefer and we lose patience and trust that it will ever come true.
If you’ve been hurt a lot in your life, it’s easy to give up during this part of the process and slip back into the old negative thinking that says “I tried that Law of Attraction stuff and it didn’t work.” The truth is NOT that it doesn’t work, it’s that we lose patience and trust and we give up before we get there.
Rabindranath Tagore has a beautiful quote about faith that I really love. He said “Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings while the dawn is still dark.” In other words faith is keeping ourselves in that higher energy vibration where we’re happy in advance for the good we know is coming, because we trust and believe that it will actually arrive.
If keeping the faith is challenging for you, just be kind and patient with yourself. Remember that your fear is just the result of the hurt and pain in your past. The easiest way to overcome fear is with kindness and gentleness. When you find yourself wanting to give up and go back to your old negative thinking, write a few pages in your journal about what this situation reminds you of, until you can release the fear and let it go.
When you feel peaceful again, gently go back to changing your negative thoughts to positive and focusing on the positive thoughts that will support your dream. Over time, this process gets easier and easier because your positive thinking becomes a habit that replaces your old negative habits.
Receiving Your Miracle
It’s so wonderful when the miracle arrives and your dreams finally come true! That’s my favorite part of the process! It’s probably your favorite part too! Often it happens in ways you would never expect, like coincidences that happen out of the blue and bring you exactly what you’ve been imagining or praying for.
When you receive your miracle, just be careful not to sabotage it in any way. Remember to be grateful and acknowledge your good and keep focusing on the new tools that you’ve learned.
Keep in mind that even when you get what you want, there are always more challenges that come over time. Life is an on-going growth process. If we want to have healthy, happy lives, we have to be willing to keep learning and growing throughout our lives.
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